"Glory Of Love"
Tonight it's very clear
As we're both lying here
There's so many things
I want to say
I will always love you
I would never leave you alone

Sometimes I just forget
Say things I might regret
It breaks my heart
To see you crying
I don't wanna lose you
I could never make it alone

I am a man who will
Fight for your honour
I'll be the hero
You're dreaming of
We'll live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the glory of love

You'll keep me standing tall
You'll help me through it all
I'm always strong
When you're beside me
I have always needed you
I could never make it alone

I am a man who will
Fight for your honour
I'll be the hero
You've been dreaming of
We'll live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the glory of love

Just like a knight
In shining armour
From a long time ago
Just in time I will save the day
Take you to my castle far away

I am a man who will
Fight for your honour
I'll be the hero
You're dreaming of
We're gonna live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the glory of love

We'll live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for
The glory of love

We did it all for love
We did it all for love
We did it all for love
We did it all for love

I really wonder. Did he really mean all that when he dedicated this song to me? Did he? I guess I'll never know. It's so unpredictable.

My Happy Ending by Lavigne
So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things
I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You are everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

It's nice to know you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

Listening to: Perfect 10 98.7FM

Just listening to the advertisements on the radio, not listening to any songs. So bored. I've been tuning in a lot to the radio lah, cos my discman died on me remember? And I cannot live without music, so I have no choice but to stick to the radio. I've been asking Shazleen to lend me her phone to listen to the radio this past week, and she gladly did. And I'm so grateful to her. Haha.

Woke up feeling rather great this morning. It was my Mum, asking if I still had to go for the last of the last PW meeting. And I said yes, but was having fever so told them I couldn't go. But in the end I still agreed to go lah, cos we had to practise one last time for the OP tomorrow, but then in the end CL couldn't make it so the whole thing was cancelled. Oh wells. Let's just hope everything will go on fine tomorrow. Yeap.

The workshop thingy I attended for the past 2 days have been real interesting, but I was nodding off once in a while. Haha. Attention span not there ah. I really woke up when they were going to sing songs. Wahahahaha. That was the only time I didn't feel like sleeping. Oops.

I want to move soon. I can't stand the cold showers 24/7 any longer. I've been having cold showers for the past month and I can hardly take it. The showers get colder and colder by the day and I practically freeze in the mornings. But then if I move soon then there's no entertainment at all ehs. No TV, no sofa, no food too. Just refrigerator with Ribena Drinks and ice, my bed, toiletries, stuff like that. But I have the radio! That's all I need I guess. Then I'll get Dad to bring the computer over too. But I won't be able to go online, cos there's no telephone line yet. Damn. Never mind, I'll just play VOS 24/7. Wahaha. And then, I'll be staying alone! For a few days at least. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Yeappie! I just hope I'll be able to study for the CLAO exam coming up on Friday at home alone though. Then I'll pop by Compass Point very often too. Wait, I don't exactly know Punggol and SengKang very well yet. I'll get lost. I think I'll just stay at home lah. Oh wells.

Ok, got to go. Got stuff to do on the net. Ciao.

I've been listening to the radio a lot these few days, and nights. And I keep hearing Guy Sebastian's Angels brought me here. Not like I'm sick of it lah. I'm starting to like it a lot now. But then whenever I listen to it I get reminded of him. He likes this song a lot, but I don't know about now anymore. Well, he kept asking me to listen to this song when we were still together. Went to look up the lyrics on the net and here it is.

'Angels Brought Me Here'
It's been a long and winding journey
But I'm finally here tonight
Picking up the pieces
Walking back into the light
To the sunset of your glory
Where my heart and future lies
There's nothing like that feeling
When I look into your eyes
My dreams came true
When I found you
I found you
My miracle

If you could see what I see
You're the answer to my prayers
And if you can feel
The tenderness I feel
You would know
It would be clear
That angels brought me here

Standing here before you
Feels like I've been born again
Every breath is your love
Every heartbeat speaks your name
My dreams came true
Right here in front of you
My miracle

If you could see what I see
You're the answer to my prayers
If you could feel The tenderness I feel
You would know
It would be clear
That angels brought me here

Brought me here to be with you
I'll be forever grateful (Oh forever grateful)
My dreams came true
When I found you
My miracle
If you could see what I see
You're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel The tenderness I feel
You would know
It would be clear
That angels brought me here

Listening to: Accidentally In Love

Haiz. I don't know what to expect now lahs. I sent in the appeal letter to the 3 heads yeaterday, and all I can do now is pray and wait and pray and wait and pray. It's not fair you know? Why is it that other students who got the same grades as me got retained, but I had to leave? It's so not fair. Just because I got a C6 for General Paper doesn't mean I'm not qualified to stay. And you should have seen the amount of work I put in for General Paper man. I did practically nothing. Thank God I passed GP. Damn. Fark the school. So sickening. Well I heard that the teachers backstabbed the students in the back when they tried to ask the teachers to put in good words for them. Like, what the hell. Anyway, this girl Sheryl from my Chinese class has sent in a complain latter to MOE with her Mum telling them about this matter. Like, how can the teachers do that? All because of this, Adrain and Hongjin can't stay. At least that's what I heard from Diana. That's why I was so afraid to look for Tan SH yesterday. Kai Sheng said he's really very nice. Yes, I know he's nice, but he can just twist things here and there and then I'll be dead. Seriously. Haiz.

I heard from Joyce that Leon is staying also. As in, he's retaining too. Haiz, I thought I was the only one. If I get to retain then I won't feel too lonely then. Haha. But it's not like I talk to him a lot lah. Just a simple hi and stuff.

These few days I've been seeing him in school. Not all the time but still I do get to see him. He's no longer around with his group anymore, or at least I don't see it. He's with his classmates most of the time now, and it's kind of weird. I don't know why lah, just had the weird feeling. Occasionally, we had eye contact. But it's like once a day. I really want us to be friends again you know. Like, before we got together. If we didn't get attached then we would still be friends now. He would still be the friend who shares the same opinions with me, the friend who thinks a like like me, the friend who is there for me, the friend whom he and I hit it off straightaway, the friend whom I cared so much for, the friend who never fails to make my day in school, the friend who became my first best guy friend even though I have never told him that. My first best guy friend. My first best friend. First. And that was before we even got together. Laughing and talking all that nonsense. I totally regret it now. I shouldn't have agreed to be his girlfriend. If I didn't then up till now he would still be my best friend. I'm still a little upset over what Wanky told me. Like, ok make that very upset. I don't know if it's true, but still. She couldn't have made it up from nowhere right? Argh I don't know lah. Everytime I see him I get reminded of what Wanky told me. Everytime I see him I get reminded of what Shazleen told me. It's just so.. saddening. I used to be able to get over relationships very easily. But why not for this one? I shouldn't make myself seem too available, should I? But then I'm not even talking to him already. So it doesn't matter already. But still.. my heart is still somehow bleeding, and am trying to piece the broken pieces back together.

1. When a girl says she's sad, but she isn'tcrying, it means she's crying in her heart.
2. When she ignores you after you've done something wrong, it's best to give her sometime to cool down before touching her heartwith an apology.
3. A girl can't find anything to hate about the guy she loves (which is why it is so hard forher to 'get over him' after the relationship's over.) ***super important and true***
4. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind every minute of the day, even though she flirts with other guys.
5. When the guy she likes smiles and staresdeep into her eyes, she will melt.
6. A girl likes to hear compliments, but usuallyisnot sure how to react to them.
7. When a particular guy flirts with a girl very often, a girl would start thinking the guy likes her. So if you treat a girl just as a friend, goeasy on the smiles and stare ok?
8. If you don't like a girl who likes you, break it to her gently.
9. If a girl starts avoiding you after you reject her, leave her alone for a while. If you stilltreat her as a friend, talk to her.
10. Girls enjoy talking about what they feel.Music, poetry, drawings and writing are ways ofexpressing themselves (which explains why most girls like writing journals).
11. Never tell a girl that she is useless inanyway.
12. Being too serious can turn a girl off.
13. When the guy she likes calls her for thefirst time, the girl may act uninterested during the call. But as soon as the phone is back onthe hook, she will whoop with joy and immediately start telephoning her friends tospread the news.
14. A smile means a lot to a girl.
15. If you like a girl, try making friends with herfirst. Let her get to know you.
16. If a girl says she can't go out with you because she has to study, leave.
17. But if she still calls you or expect a call fromyou, stay.
18. Don't try to guess a girl's feelings. Ask her.
19. Hearing the words "I love you" is a greatreassurance to a girl that she is beautiful.
20. After a girl falls in love with a guy, she'llwonder why she never noticed him before.
21. If you need tips on how to flirt with a girl,read romance stories.
22. When class pictures come out, a girl would first check who is standing next to her crush before actually looking at herself.
23. A girl's ex-crush will always be in her memory, but the guy she loves now stays inher heart.
24. Girls love having fun!
25. A simple 'Hi' can brighten a girl's day.
26. A girl's best friends usually know best what she is feeling and going through.
27. Girls hate it when a guy pays attention tothem just to get close to their 'prettier' friend.
28. Love means devotion, caring andhappiness to a girl, in that order.
29. Some girls care about looks, some carea bout brains, but ALL girls want a guy who will love and care for them.
30. Girls want nothing more than to feel loved.

Listening to: Qi Li Xiang

Haiz. I'm still stuck at my appeal letter. I only wrote down 3 points, and I don't know how to continue alreadys. I don't want to write already lah. I was going to give up totally on it, but someone was like practically pleading with me to stay. But then, haiz. Don't know lah. It still has to depend on the school right. I'm not in the mood now ehs. So irritated.






Why does he seem like he doesn't bother?

Sadness overcomes me. And I don't know what to say. I feel like I've got a lot of things I want to say, but can;t seem to find where to start. I don't even know what I want to say either. At a loss, really. I've got so much to do. Spoke to Mr Pang and Mr Tan, and it didn't loook like KT was supporting my decision. But who the hell cares about him lah. Some idiot he is. Haiz. After the next sentence I think you all will know my verdict. I really really want to stay in MJC. Haiz, got to do to my appeal letter already. Yeap. Oh well.

Ah... The class got back their results slip already, except for mine and Shazleen's and Nada's. With the VPs or P I guess. Mummy hasn't receieved the call from the school yet, but KT said that he checked this morning and they said they'll be calling sometime today. So wait lor. Tired tired. Super tired. Talking to KT is so boring. But then we skipped CLAO lecture.

This morning we had temperature taking. So siao. Marcus took my thermometer reading and showed it to KT as his temperature. Ifah was so unlucky can. She took it from Priya and tried to fake it as her reading but KT didn't believe and asked her to put it into her mouth. So dumb. Anyway, this paragraph was asked by Diana to enter into my blog because she's next to me now. I've got nothing to say anw. So just waste time here.

No PW today!!!!!!!! Happy like shit. Haha.

Shazleen just came back from the VP's pffice, and she's staying. As in, she's repeating. The first thing she said to me when she came in was 'You better stay with me ok.' Hahahahahaha. 'And you better pray hard you get Mr Koh.' Oh ok lor. I'll pray hard. Haha. Siao. Ok, I'm hungry. Going to the canteen to eat with Diana already. Ciao.

Listening to: Wo De Di Pan

I'm so tired. PW dry run finished only at 5 today. Supposed to start at 3 but we ended up starting only at almost 4. So irritating. Ms Lim always takes up so much of our time. PW takes up so much bloody time. This morning in CLAO lecture Nicholas was sitting next to me, and he suddenly popped the question, 'Do you think that PW leads to enemies?' And coming to think of it, somehow in one way or another it does. You can just get pissed at one of your group members for doing something wrong. And you might dislike the member from now till eternity. This can be seen in some groups from my class. But what I'm glad is my group's pretty in a harmonious condition. Haha. There aren't many objections to ideas, and all of us usually accept and understand everything the other members say or bring up. So yah. I'm so glad PW is going to be over in just a matter of 6 days. Monday morning. 1st class second group of the whole bloody school. Oh well.

My back hurts like crazy. Guess I sat for too long in front of the computer yesterday. 6 hours is no fun ahs. PW, PW and more PW. Looking at the Written Report and OP slides and trying to do my speech all at the same time, I thought I was just going to explode. And when I couldn't open the diskette I got so bloody pissed off. I thought I was going to explode. I'm glad I already saved all of it into the diskette though. Fell asleep like super fast, but awoke with a sharp pain on my leg. Grace fell from the bed onto the mattress I was sleeping on. And she even had the guts to try to push me away! Nonsense. I used to have my own bed lah, but Daddy dismantled Jasmine’s and mine to make space. So we have to sleep on mattresses. I'm going to sleep on a proper bed in 2 weeks! Yes! Haha.

PE was pretty fun today. Took attendance and Mr Teng told us to decide what we wanted to play. Obviously I tried to ask for volleyball, but obviously[again], nobody in my class wanted to play volleyball. Shazleen suggested badminton, so the whole class headed down to the hall. Talking talking talking, then I stopped in my tracks. I didn't want to go in. Diana and Shazleen had to drag me in. In the end I went in lah, and we just started playing at the sides, because there wasn't much space left in the hall because the whole class of o4s21o was already playing. I haven't played badminton since 3 years ago and I thought I would suck at it. But I think I played pretty well though. Just a little misses here and there. Well, my trainings in badminton when I was in the school team in St. Hilda's Primary didn't die on me. That was like, don't know how many years ago can. So proud of myself. Haha. Mummy's going to book a court sometime next week for the both of us to play badminton. I've got to be prepared for smacks here and there. She's one good badminton player. And so is my Daddy. Probably that's where I got the badminton genes from. Hehs.

The school hasn't called my parents yet. The rest in my class have already gotten the call, except for me and Wanky maybe. I don't know if it's a good thing that I haven't gotten the call. What if they forgot? And I called KT to ask if they're calling and what time my parents are supposed to come and stuff. And he was like, 'huh? Don't know leh.' Bloody asshole. Everything also go, 'Huh?' Like I just asked a ridiculous question like that lah. I hope the school sacks him. He sucks at Chem, and he's a Chem teacher. What the? I heard that all his Chem classes did badly for Chem. Isn't it obvious that he's bad? Oh yah, they said that the school's moderating the subjects. And that 40 marks is a C. Huh? And they're lowering the promotion criteria too. Don't know how trustable that is though. Ms Lai? Moderating? Lowering criteria? Unbelievable. This is like, bloody long. I've got too much to whine about lah, sorry. Haha.

Listening to: Accidentally In Love

Why do people fall in love so easily? Why is it that there are just people out there who want to do things to hurt those who love them? Why do these people exist? Why did God create them? I guess, these are questions no one will be able to answer.

Got home rather early today. Reached home at 4.30pm, could have reached home earlier, but I stayed in school doing nothing. Just didn't feel like going home yet lah. PW meeting ended around 2 plus, but I left school only at around 3.45 lah. I got damn pissed lah. I guess my face just showed it lah. But then, I recover rathered quickly. Was laughing away soon after I reached Tampines Interchange at 12 plus. Haha, skipped lectures all the way from recess lah. Attended only CLAO. Well, I only show that I'm really really unhappy when I'm with my churchies though. Just from my expression they will know that I'm upset or whatever. But in school, I don't know why but I just have to make myself look happy. I always make an effort to show that I'm ok. But the thing is, the feeling sucks.

Anyway, after I got home I took out the volleyball straight away and started playing with it. My arms were feeling numb already but I just didn't stop playing. I just kept passing it to the wall non-stop. I just didn't feel like stopping lah. Now, they hurt more than the last time. But it's ok lah I think. Guess they'll go away soon. Haha. There's PE tomorrow, last PE for the whole year. Haiz. Unhealthy school. Now all we do is sit around and chit chat. It's not a bad thing but at least we should exercise a bit right. Oh well, got to sleep. Damn tired these days. Haiz.

Listening to: My Band

Ok. I just reached home not too long ago. Went to watch White Chicks, again. Yeap again. With Ferli, her Ghost, and Kelv. Macham like double date. The 4 of us shared a drink, but they drank from two red straws, and Kelv and I drank from two blue ones. Haha. It's so funny. Got to laugh all over again. Hahahahahahahahahahaha. Triple T K A. Time to totally kick ass. Hehs. I'm getting hyper alreadys. Oh wells. But I feel so sad for Ferli. She lost her phone. She think someone stole them from her bag though. Then maybe the person who took it is the person who stole Szeech's phone too. So sickening huh? Tampines Mall is not safe. Keep your phone in your underwear people. Haha. Ok, not too many stuffs I want to say. Can't think properly now. Well, more like I don't want to think. Good night people.

----edited----
Listening to: Breakaway

This song reminds me of someone. Haiz. Anyway, forgot to add just now. Yesterday afternoon went up to my new place with Wanky to get the volleyball. But when I found it I realised it was a little bit out of air. Too soft already. So I brought home the beach volleyball instead. No chance to play it yesterday, so I played after I got home today. Just kept passing it to the wall. Mummy was talking to me at the same time, so was a little bit breathless. Haha. Anyway, after I was done, I looked at my arms and saw red spots. Not rashes lah, just red spots. Blood actually. I was like, 'Whoa so hiong ah..' And yah the spots are still there.
Time: 7.30pm

Listening to: Welcome To My Life

Hmm, nice song. Feeling tired now though. Slept at 2am in the morning. Just couldn't sleep. Was thinking about things.. and someone. Oh wells. Oh damn. I should stop this nonsense. *wake up wake up*

Woke up at 8am, had to go to school for second dry-run. But Ms Lim was busy and came to us only at 11am. Argh. Made to wait for a bloody hour. And she postponed dry-run to Tues, so she just looked at our WR and kepy criticising everything. So irritating. We've got so much to change. But then, my section for OP didn't need any changes, so I didn't have to change anything. Haha. Cos they arranged it like, we only have to change our own part for OP with the WR, so I was free. Hahahahaha. I was so sleppy. PW makes me sleepy. Whenever meetings start I would just get into dreamland. So three quarts of the one and half hour I wasn't concentrating. But when someone walked past I 'woke up' ah hah. Nada saw. So pai seh. But then.. aiyah stop you bitch. Stop thinking.

Rainy and cool weathers makes me want to sleep. I guess I'll head for dreamland soon. Tired. Fever keeps coming back. Especially this morning in school. Argh.

I just came back from class dinner. Not exactly class dinner. Cos not everybody was there. Just 9 of us. Yeah. I felt someone was missing. So yah. Walked past the interchange and saw Akrab. Everynpdy else was like so shocked to see him there. Hahas. But the wird thing was he was standing at my 291 bus stop, but he said he was going over to a friend's place, so that explains everything.
Time: 11.49pm

Things are going nowhere for me. I don't know what to do now. Even though what KT said today was just his analysed thingy and not confirmed by Grandma Lai but still.. Haiz. Don't know lah. Technically speaking, the school is not allowed to kick any students out no matter how lousy their grades are, unless they are problem students in school. I am no problem kid. I used to be lah, in my parents' eyes but not anymore. I try as hard as I can to be an Angel everywhere I go. I'll just insist to Grandma Lai that I'm staying put, and she is going to put up with me and my shitty results for another 2 yrs of her life. Haha. Who the fark cares about her.

Finally I cried today. After I met KT, was in the canteen and decided to call Mummy to tell her. And then after I told her I started to cry. I was like, 'Oh shit I'm crying and I'm still standing in the bloody canteen.' So I walked over to the notice board thingy there and then just kept tearing, half the time trying to actually listen to what she was telling me. All I heard was that going to a poly may be a better idea. And she continued saying how some others in church also couldn't make it in JC and went on to a Poly instead and all that bullshit. It's like, she's not encouraging me to stay in Mj. It's like she wants me to go to a poly. And I don't want to. It's has definitely nothing to do with 'face' or whatever lah ok. It's just that I find it such a waste that I'm giving up my JC education. Plus I don't know what shit course to enrol for if I really go into a Poly.

Then I messaged Ferli and she called. Haiz. Needless to say I cried again. Was just listening to her talk and all that when Wanky came up to me. She didn't say anything, just came up to me and gave me a tight hug. It was a little bit weird because I was on the phone talking to Ferli and then I was at the same timg hugging another person. Haha. But it was sweet. Nice friend.

The only person from outside school that is encouraging me to stay in MJ is Hongjin. I was telling him my results yesterday night and he kept asking what I would do now. He just added saying that I should stay. He said that I can do it. The actual words were 'Anna, I know you can do it.' At that point in time, I was really determined to stay in Mj and do well. Like, he has so much faith and trust in me. And we're not really close friends either, so it's really comforting. Yeah.

Anything, I'm sticking my butt in MJC. Well, I think I will.

I'm here in the school library because I skipped Chem lecture. I really feel bad skipping, especially yesterday. But I really saw no point in going for Chem lecture when I won't be here next year anymore. But even if I get to retain, I won't take Chem, so it's a waste of my time. If I retain, I'll switch to Arts. I'll prolly take Geog Lit Math, Geog Econs Math, Hist Lit math, or Hist Econs Math. One of them lah. Anw, I'll know if I'll get retained or kicked out later when I see Mr KT. He passed me a note this morning asking me to see him during Physics lecture, which is my free period. I'm afraid I'll break down though. Cos, like I haven't been having reactions to the results that I got. So, I'm just afraid I would start crying later. I better not man, I would really scare the shit out of KT. Or at least I think I would.

Anw, these few days have been really cold. Especially in the mornings. I get cold very easily, so I usually freeze in school lah, especially in the LTs. I would pull my blanket up all the way and try to cover my head and face and legs at the same time, curl myself up into a ball. Haha. It's too cold and I can't take it lah. And I bathe in the morning, right after I wake up. So it's even worse. These few days I have been freezing in the shower. I feel weird if I don't bathe before I go to school, so I have to. Yah. This morning it was freezing. Plus it rained in the early morning, so whoa. Luckily I didn't scream. The thing is, I'm glad I'm shifting soon. In a couple of weeks I guess. it's almost the end of Oct already, and Mummy said we'll have to move before 13 Nov or something. She said the new owner wants the house by then. So yah. Will reach school early. Like, prolly 5 minutes' drive from my new place. But I'll get to bathe in warm water. So not so bad lah. Prolly move on 10th Nov, so you prolly won't see me in school that day. I've got to help out. I haven't even started packing really. Don't know what to keep and what to throw. My lecture notes are still strewn all over my study table and floor. But then again, I don't have much things. Colthes, just those few. Two-thirds of the colthes in the wardrobe actually belong to my elder sister. One-sixth for me and my younger sister each. Haha. So yah. I'll prolly finish packing rather quickly.

Rem the flowers I received? Went to take them out to dry in the sun. It's all dried now, and kept in my cupboard. Dried flowers don't wither, haha. Safe in my cupboard. Whenever I open the cupboard there will be this flower smell, and I like it.

Ok, I need to go write my speech for the second dry-run now. Stupid PW. Down with PW. Luckily I finish my OP on 1st Nov. Then I'll be free! But it's just like 10 days away. Uh oh.

Listening to: Broken

why can't the freaking fever just go away?

I feel so bloody awful now. Like, it has been two days but the stupid fever just won't leave me alone. Like, I don't have enough to think and worry and care about. And the worse thing is the fever is so on-off. I feel glad when I feel my forehead and I don't have a fever anymore. And then the next time I feel it again I have fever. What shit. I feel like some depressed and pessimistic idiot like last time now. Now, just let me whine a bit.

Didn't really go for lectures today. All I went for was just PE and then for Chinese. I didn't exactly feel like going for Chinese but there was this Mock Exam so I made myself go. The Math and Chem lectures before Chinese lecture I was just slacking and reading the the library. And then we had PW. Ms Lim allowed us to go back early because we didn't have to meet her at 4.30pm today like every other day. But then there was PW meeting and it lasted for a bloody two and a half hours! And most of the time I didn't talk at all. I just sat there, half-listening, half-day-dreaming, half-msging, and then tried to say something and contribute at times. And the most irritaing thing was my cramps came back. I was glad I didn't have them on Monday or Tuesday. But I had cramps today. Like fark. I was so bloody irritated. I just didn't feel like talking. And while msging halfway, after I saw a reply I just felt like throwing my phone against the wall. I've been wanting to do that many a times this past week.

But then, it was my fault. I guess I was a little sensitive about it. But.. you can't blame me. I've been facing the people in school all this time on my own, been repeating myself and explaining to them what's going on and all that, facing the results on my own, and sometimes I really feel like I want to cry, but the stupid tears just won't come. I've been on my own this past week, and the feeling sucks, in case you didn't realise that. I try to hide my feelings in school as much as I can, but these days going to school has become a chore. I see things I don't want to see, I see people that I don't want to see together, and I can't seem to get all that out of my sight. School has been gloomy these days, you see people crying in toilets, see people cry with their friends. You see people with smiling faces yes, but you don't know how they exactly feel inside.

Today's 21st Oct. I asked Shaz during PE what date today was. When she said '21st Oct' my heart went, 'Oh...' As if anyone would remember, as if he would remember. I felt awful today, really awful. Like, things are purposely not doing well for me.

Sometimes I think to myself if I'm doing myself any good by feeling and thinking the way I feel and think. Sometimes I hate myself for hoping and hoping. Sometimes I'm glad there's just one more thing that keeps me going in school. But now, it seems like it's not going to happen to me again anymore.

What if he sees this, I wonder. Has he even bothered to come in to read my entries this past week?

What if he sees this, I wonder. What will he say? What will he think?

What if he sees this, I wonder. Will he even do anything to lift my spirits just a little bit?

What if he sees this, I wonder. Would he even come up to me in school and start a little chat?

But then, I cover all these thoughts with just one more, all he needs now is time. Not pressure.

....
....
....
....

Well, my discman has officially dumped me for a grave. It has died on me. It's gone. I can't switch it on any longer. I can't listen to music on my way home anymore. I don't have anything else to keep my mind away from things that I don't want to think about anymore besides reading a book. I can no longer listen to Jay Chou and his songs again. Died-ed. Gone. Forever.

I feel so down. So upset.

I realise that I have been blogging very often lately, like more than once a day. I guess it's just cos I don't have much to do besides PW and PW and more PW to do. And now life revolves around going to school in the morning, and then skipping lectures, and then PW, and then going home to bathe, eat dinner, go online for hours then go to bed. Yeah, that's how my life has been this week. Pretty boring huhs? So like a routine, so no life. So dead. I don't know when the girls will be going out sun tanning though. A date hasn't been decided yet. But think they said something about going to Szeech's place to use the pool and all that. Well, I wanted to go to the beach really, but then anywhere out of the house would be nice enough. And they weretalking about sleep overs and all that. Sounds like fun, cos I have never experienced that before. SHS pple don't do this kind of things. Yeah.

Mummy has been asking me everyday whether the teacher said that I'll be retained or promoted. And my answer is always 'No, not yet. Stop asking lah.' Hmm. I don't know what else to say to her so I just either walk away or say something else. I don't want to keep thinking about the result slip I'll be getting. And just stop asking me if I'll go to a poly or stay. It's so frustrating.

Anyway, I met him this morning. Gave him stuff and all that. Well, he looked really different from last time. Especially up close. He just had a different look on his face. And the first thing he said to me was 'Hi. You look very tired.' I am? Well, maybe. Been sleeping late everyday, like almost 12 midnight. Well, I use the com. Play VOS and stuff. And I keep trying to think of something to do. Just in case I receive a msg or something from someone I would be able to reply asap. But then it hasn't happened. Now I only receive good night msgs from Wanky and Eng Tian. Where have all the rest gone? Like, disappeared *poof* into thin air. But then it's already nice enough to know that there's at least someone who still remembers you.

Now when people come online and talk to me, it's only about two things. One, how my results were. Two, the reasons for some matter. And I'm sick and tired of explaining the reasons. I get so pissed off sometimes I just want to scold them all. But then, it's not their fault. Maybe they're just concerned. Or maybe they're just plain kay-poh. I don't want to think too much either. But can't they just shut up and go away? Why can't they just leave me alone?

I know this is my 3rd blog of the day. And I know you guys out there who have been regularly reading by posts are pretty bored by what I say right? But too bad. This is my blog and you will have to put up with all my nonsense. Otherwise, just don't come into this blog. Ok, now I'm laming. I just finished reading the storybook PS I Love You. Well, it's a rather good story. Like, those kind of girly-girl books that I always go for. Sometimes I was able to relate to the leading character, like how she feels and stuff. The book's really funny. I just kept laughing non-stop in GP lecture just now. And I was laughing to myself in the bus on my way home just now. I felt so completely dumb, like a total idiot. Then I made myself stop.

'Holly cleared her throat loudly and pretended to have a coughing fit just so the girls would wake up to talk to her. She needed to talk, she needed to cry, she needed to vent all her frustrations and disappointments.'

'Are you OK, Holly?' Sharon wrapped her arm around her friend's shoulders. Holly sighed. 'Every time someone asks me that question, Sharon, I would say, "I'm fine, thank you," but to be honest I'm not. Do people really want to know how you feel when they ask "How are you?"? Or are they just trying to be polite?' Holly smiled. 'The next time the woman across the road from my house says to me, "How are you?" I'm going to say to her; well, actually, I'm not very well at all, thank you. I'm feeling a bit depressed and lonely. Pissed off at the world. Envious of you and your perfect family but not particularly envious of your husband at having to live with you. And then I'll tell her about how I started a new job and met lots of new people and how I'm trying hard to pick myself up but that I'm at a loss about what else to do. Then I'll tell her how it pisses me off when everyone says time is a healer when at the same time they also can say absence makes the heart grow fonder, which really confuses me, because that means that the longer he's gone the more I want him.'

Holly's blood boiled and as she spoke her voice trembled with rage. 'And you wonder why I don't go out with you-when you say stupid insensitive remarks like that. Did you ever think for one moment that it might be hard for me? The fact that all you talk about now are your bloody wedding arrangements and how happy and excited you are and how you can't wait to spend the rest of your life with Tom in wedded bliss. In case you hadn't noticed, Denise, I didn't get that chance because my husband died.'

I don't know why I'm typing this out for. Yeah I am not OK, so stop asking me that fucking question that keeps pissing me off.

o4s4o1 class picture. 

Listening to: Jie Kou

Haven't listened to this song for so long. Or even when I did I tried not to pay attention to the lyrics of the song. The same goes for Qi Li Xiang too. Like, it's sad lah. And I didn't want to feel any sadder after listening to them. So I just sang along without really thinking of the lyrics and the people I could relate them to. Yeah. So, oh wells. Didn't have to meet Ms Lim after school for PW today, but had PW meeting. So irritaing. But stayed till 3 then we dispersed. Just finished the draft for the Written Report and sent it over to Chong Lee already. So, yeah. Mission accomplished.

I met Eng Tian today! So happy! Haha. I was so looking forward to meeting him lah. Finally, my close friend all the way from St. Hilda's Pri. From Pri3. Can you believe that? And I can't even remember the both of us ever fighting and stuff. We have had a harmonious friendship for 8-going-to-9 years already! Wow. Haha. Was just so excited when I saw him just now. Just had a stupid grin on my face. Hehs. Like, talking to him is so easy you know! And he was so nice to accompany me over to NTUC to get some stuffs. I couldn't find the thing I wanted again and I just walked around the 2 shelves in circles. Over and over again. And he just followed me. Never ever complaining. Sigh, what a friend huhs! I'm so glad he's my friend. Haha. When I finally gave up looking for the sweets and was thinking of going to get titbits cos we wanted to sit down somewhere to chit chat and stuff, I finally saw that tube of sweets. I got so happy can! Yeah, after that we just walked around looking for some place to sit and stopped by Swensens cos we saw Petrina there working. And we just walked in and said hi and stuff. Then we decided to go eat Ice-Cream. Haha. I saw so many of my colleagues there. Haha. And I saw Danny! AAAAHHHHHHH!! *goes into dreamland* I love his smile. My favorite supervisor. Hehs. When he saw me he was like, 'Eh! Anna! Your boyfriend ah?' And I was like, 'erm.. no.' Eng Tian and I broke into fits of laughter when we sat down. Hahahahahahahahas. He's such a nice friend to have. And we saw so many people we knew today. Mostly from SHS, actually all from SHS. Haha. But also saw Szeech and some other MJ people I didn't know. Initially I thought we wouldn't have much to say, but we said so much today! Hmm, the time we spent 'apart' didn't exactly bring us further 'apart'. Yeah. Well, I'm so happy that he's getting promoted. Like, happy for him lah you know. And for Don too. Joash and Yu Qin and Matt and Hong Peng too. And I guess Joyce Lim and Leon would be. Cherly would be. Kelly would be. Rach would be. Sim Yen would be. I'm so happy that they made it. Yeah.

Well, I don't know about Joyce Peh and I though. But then it's like, results aren't really that good and I'm afraid that we should face facts that we won't be promoted to J2 next year. Actually, I don't know why. But I don't seem to feel upset about my results. Probably because the truth hasn't really sunk it yet, or I just don't want to face it. Or I'll prolly get upset when I get the fact from Mr. KT that I'll be retained, or kicked out. I don't know lah. I heard there won't be a 04s401 next year though. Like, they're going to split the classand all that. I really really love this class, and I really don't want the class to split. But I guess there is no choice and we can only face facts that we won't be together again next year. Think I should get film for my cam and bring it to school next week. I want to take pictures with all my peeps. With all my friends. Including you I hope. But forget it. It won't happen. *wake up lah you bitch stop day-dreaming*

But it's best to face facts I guess. Like, we've failed yes, but it doesn't make us losers or anything. Just know that you've tried your best and every effort had been put in. That's all one needs to know. One doesn't have to feel regretful(though I sometimes do), nor feel like a complete crap. If we don't make it, then try our best to make it the next time round.

You may have never faced such failure in your life, but the fact is it has already happened, and all you should think now is what to do in future. But that doesn't exactly mean you can ignore the people who care a lot for you. There are surely people out there who really hope you are feeling ok, and who want you to know that they're always here for you, whenever or wherever you need them. Someone, someone. Someone like me.

Listening to: Nothing. Just people typing away in the school library. And a lot of noise the other people are making. Like, pinching their friends. Haha.

Like, finally I can have a com to myself now. Argh. I don't know what to say. Don't have anything else to do now, so no choice but to blog. Maybe I should read my story book, but it's outside and I'm too lazy to walk out of the lib to get it and then walk baq into the lib to continue reading. So, yah. Sian, History lecture started immediately today. Like, continuation of the Italian Unification that he stopped earlier before the Promos started. SO BORING. Like, I'll be taking all of these next year again, so I didn't see any point in listening to him lah. And also for Math Lecture. Mathematical Induction. SO BORING. Yeah, ok I've got nothing to say now. Bye.

Wenqi : Hallo! I'm here. Haha. Weeee. Bye. =D.

Ok, that was like so lame.

Listening to: Qi Li Xiang

Actually I'm supposed to be listening to Jie Kou now, but I changed the track, so it's back to this. Well, got back my reaults already. Not very pleasing to the eye. Actually it's not pleasing at all. I expected it, so didn't really have a big reaction when I finally saw them, but I got a little bit worked up after my History papers came back. Like, I got 44/100 for my Hist Papers lah! 44! 44!! *grr* One freaking mark away from an E! I just started cursing and stuff non-stop. I really felt like I was going to cry, but in the end I didn't. Well, Shaz and I attempted the hardest question of the whole paper and we both managed to get a pass for it. Yeah and Mr Pang said if we actually did manage to get a pass for this kind of S Paper standard paper then we should have done as expected. *achievement achievement* And the next thing was, Farhan that History freak also attempted the question but Shaz and I did better than him! *double achievement* We were both happy lah. Cos like you cant possible beat farhan in history questions but we did and we passed it! Haha. But then in the end overalls I only have an AO pass for my Hist. 42.5 can! *double grr* So wasted. Haiz. And I couldn't be bothered to even calculate Chem and Math lah, cos I already know I can't make it. And yah, stuff like that.

I was talking to Ferli, and actually I still am lah. Just that we've kind of stopped replying and stuff. Doing our own stuff. I told her about me, and she said some things. Ah never mind, just as I was going to type something she had to go. So, forget about it. Sometimes Ferli is such a girl I think she's super childish, but sometimes I think she's so smart and mature in her thinking. Like, 360 degrees change in her. So totally different. What she said really do make sense, and it just made me more determined to try. But then I'm still having the gut feeling of some form of rejection. I hope she's right. I really hope that she is right. Cos she has always been right about this kind of stuffs. Like, always. But there's always a chance of failure. Ok never mind, I should stop thinking negative things about it.

Anyway, two people cried in front of me in school just now. Haiz, I didn't know what to do, so I just put my hand on their shoulder. Especially to the friend of 5 years, I just wanted to give her a hug. Like, tell her it's alright, and that I know and everybody around her knows the amount of effort that she put in for the Promo Exams. For the other, well. I really didn't know what to say. I just hope she doesn't feel as stressed, cos she still looks like she's so stressed up now.

Just now for PE we didn't do much. The briefing took like half the time of 45 minutes for PE period. So all we did after that was just take our height and weight. And the teachers still said we could play games after that. Well, actually we could, just that the few of us just sat and chatted until it was time to go for recess. I asked if anyone wanted to go tanning anf then all few of us goy so excited. We thought of going swimming and cycling and sun tanning and all that and yeah, I was happy for that time. Plus I got to see the person who's favourite colour is red quite a number of times too. Hehs. *blushes* And I'm glad I didn't put on weight. Instead, I lost weight. But I'm not exactly satisfied with it lah. My height, I'm fine with it. But I don't mind being a little taller. The few of us kept on stepping on the weighing scale to weigh ourselfves. Like, we were afraid we would suddenly see the needle go up to 60 or something. Haha. I can't believe some of them are heavier than me. Like, hello?

Once again, I'm hesistating whether I should go to a poly or insist to Lai Lai that I want to stay in MJ.

And once again, I can't help but keep thinking about the person who's favourite colour is red. I can't help but think if the person who's favourite colour is red is thinking about me too. But then, never mind.

"I Need You by Leann Rimes". Promised I would out them up the other time. So here it is.
I don't need a lot of things,
I can get by with nothing
Of all the blessings life can bring,
I've always needed something
But I've got all I want
When it comes to loving you
You're my only reason,
You're my only truth

I need you like water
Like breath, like rain
I need you like mercy
From heaven's gate
There's a freedom in your arms
That carries me throughI need you

You're the hope that moves me
To courage again
You're the love that rescues me
When the cold winds rage
And it's so amazing
‘Cause that's just how you are
And I can't turn back now
'Cause you've brought me too far

Repeat chorus 2x’s

Oh Yes I do…

"Because You Loved Me" by Celine Dion
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through, through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was, loved by you


You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you.....

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me
Hey....

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

I don't know why I'm posting all this up for. Maybe because these songs really touch my heart. Like, they say how I really feel about things now.

Listening to: Accidentally In Love

I realise I've been listening a lot to this song nowadays. I don't know why either. It's like, when I open my Windows Media Player I click on this song straight away. Guess I really like it huhs. I'm trying not to listen to Jay Chou too much, just in case sadness fills me up again. Ok, I should stop thinking about that. I should shut my trap, cos now I don't even know what's going on, or where my life is heading. I just can't stop thinking about it. Make me stop.

Anyway, got back my Chem Mcq and Chinese papers 1 and 2 tomday. Well, even though I didn't do very well for the Mcq but it's kind of an achievement. Like, 21/40. Which is 52.5%. Well, Farhan got like 62.5% ah. Some freak he is. Haha. ANd some other freak in school got 37/40. That's a total freak. Mr. KT hasn't tabulated all the marks yet, so yah. Still don't know. For Math, I don't even want to think about it. Math's the subject that I practised the least for. All I did was go through the formulas. So, yah. I'm screwed for that. History. Mr Pang hasn't finished marking yet. He said in Lecture today he'll finish by tonight, so we'll get our papers back tomorrow. I'm so scred. This morning as he walked down to the LT he walked past the history students of my class. All 4 of us. And he had this cheeky smile on him. I don't know what that means. Cos, he's cheeky to begin with. Yeah. Haven't seen Tan SH, so can't ask about GP either. Got back the Chinese papers. Well, don't know how I did it but I passed my paper2. Like, 52/100. But heck lah. And for paper 1 got like 43/70. Screw lah. I just feel sad for Dee though. Like, 16/70 because the compo was out of point. So, haven't added in the oral and Chinese Listening marks. So, I still don't know my overall.

There's PE tomorrow. Wonder what we'll do. Please take Electives away please. I totally hate the electives. Unless it's volleyball or something. Haha. Like what I told Welson the other day, if I'm retained then I'll join volleyball as my cca. Screw CO. Waste my time. I'm not doing what I really like. I like music yes, but CO is not my passion you know? Volleyball is. Anyway, height and weight. Haha. I think I put on weight.

Oh yeah, was watching Pearl Harbor just now. It was totally cool. Well, really enjoyed it though it was really sad and I almost wanted to cry in the end. The tears were just there, but I blinked like crap to get them off my eyes. Cool show.

Anyway, I tried to look for the lyrics of 'Accidentally In Love'. So here it is.
So she said, "What's the problem, baby?"
What's the problem I don't know.
Well, maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it everytime
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this?
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if its love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love

Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love

So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love
Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love
These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no
Come on, Come on
Move a little closer
Come on, Come on
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on
Settle down inside my love
Come on, come on
Jump a little higher
Come on, come on
If you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on
We were once
Upon a time in love
We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love (x7)
Accidentally
I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
Accidentally (X 2)
Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her
Love ...I'm in love

Listening to: Accidentally In Love

Well, I'm just 9 hours away to school for next morning. And well, I'm trying to make myself as calm as I can. Don't know what to expect, but then again, if I'm getting back results that look like shit, it's kind of expected in a way. But yah, guess I'll be too upset to say anything tomorrow.

I'm just glad that I'll be able to see him in school tomorrow. In a way it's good I guess. But I wouldn't know what to say to him either. I'll probably just acknowledge his presence. I should leave him to be now. Even though I really want to try to help, but well, what he needs now is time. I mean, I'll probably react like how he's reacting if the same thing happened to me.

I really do miss him. I hope he gets back to his jovial and cheery behaviour soon. I miss that part of him. A lot.

Listening to: The Nutcase on the Piano

Actually I'm not exactly in the mood to do anything now. Couldn't think of anything else to do so decided to blog. Hmm, didn't sleep very well last night ah. Kept tossing and turning. And woke up many times in 8 hours of sleep. Well oh well. I've been having the nervous feeling for the past 2 days, like something bad is going to happen. Well, it will be the results I bet. Bo Ying said she can't make it. And she seems so cool about it. I don't know. It could be all just an act, she's probably feeling upset inside of her. If only I would be as cool as her tomorrow when we get back our results. I don't know what I would do if I was given the chance to retain. Like, I don't know if I should drop out to a Poly or continue my JC education. I've been hesistating a lot between a Poly or staying. The thing is, I don't know what course I would want to take if I enrol into a Poly next year, but I also don't know if I should continue with the subjects I'm taking should I stay in MJ. I'll probably have a change in subjects. I don't know. It's either Chem or Hist. I don't like the idea of both anymore.

I've been telling Clarissa and Cindy not to come to MJ. Cos it's like a living hell. But it's not like I hate MJ. I do like the school. The people. Even though they're not as fun to hang out with as the SHS people, but the friends I made in MJ is the reason why I didn't drop out earlier this year. They're important to me. They are what is keeping me here. But now, I don't know anymore. Once again, I'm hesistating.

I told Mummy last night that if I don't call back on monday then it means that my results were bad. I don't know.

Listening to: Let's get retarded

Hmm, today was pretty ok lah. Just that Grace pisses me off non-stop all the time. Like, she can't wait for me to slap her. Argh. I'll stop about her. Woke up early today. Had to go to church for practise. It wasn't very good lah, sounds weird whenever we practise for youth service. The atmosphere is totally different when we practise for main service. Don't know why also eh. Like, everyone else can't be bothered during practise for youth service. So weird ehs. And everyone sounds bad too. Hmm, oh wells.

After practise took the bus to my new house. It took about an hour, 50 minutes lah. And I fell asleep on the way there. And needless to say, I slept on the bed after I got there. I always feel sleepy in my new house. Another weird thing. We're moving in a few weeks' time. Haiz. Can't bear to leave this place. And then it will take just 10 minutes to reach home from school. Don't know if it's a good thing or not. One sad thing is I won't be able to hang out with my churchies after service on SUndays that much anymore. Cos like, the new place is deserted at night, and not much people stay there. So, yah. Got to be home early. Much earlier than now I bet. So irritating. So out of the way if we go out.

Hmm, I'll be getting back my results on Monday. Like, in the LTs of all places. Haiz. Bet there will be a lot of crying and stuff. From me also lah. I'm going to be such an emotional freaker next week in school. Plus I'm in PMS mood now. So it's going to be worse. You'll prolly see me disappear from your sight for a long time then you'll suddenly see me around again. Then off I go again. Haha. Darn, lost my truncated time table for the second time. Can't seem to find it anywhere. Wonder which dog bit it. So irritating. I should get back to my letter. Got to start. And I've got to get some stuff from NTUC tomorrow after service too.

Looking forward to tomorrow night. Got Pearl Harbor at 7.30pm. It's my favourite movie. Haha. Bought the VCD the other time and watched don't know how many times already. It's so nice can. Lucien likes it a lot too. Let's hope he remembers to watch it.

Those who get to read this, please try not to piss me off next week. Haha.

Ok, I'll just admit I'm bored. The next thing I'm going to do when I get offline later is to go to sleep. My back hurts, and my legs have been killing me the whole of today. I couldn't walk down the stairs nor sit down properly. I believe it's all due to the little trainings I've had the last few days. Last few days I've been jumping about alot, dancing about alot, carrying heavy instruments up and down a lot, and walking alot. ALOT. And I haven't got enough rest. Been going home from school late. Like, leaving school at 8pm isn't fun. Many things have happened the past few days. Like the Intra-House games, Inter-House games, Inter-House Cheer Competition, preparations for today's Open house. Everything's draining me. Well, some news.

No.1: Triton got second place for Inter-House Cheer Competitions!!! Woohoo. I though we did pretty ok, but didn't really expect to get second, cos I felt that we really screwed up the cheer part. Only the dance was good. And what irritated me totally was that we lost to Callisto, and the thing was that they started practising only the night before the competition, and we actually practised for 3 days. But Ms Ee told us to prepare more stuff for next year's Opening Ceremony. And we believe Callisto wasn't offered the chance to. Cos it was really dumb. Like Smurffs. So, kiddish. Haha. I really want to take part in it, but then there are auditions for it, and there's a high probability that I won't be around next year. So yah.

No.2: Meridian Junior College has a new College Anthem. It's so pop-ish. So NDP-ish. So not school song-ish. Plus there's a rock version of it too. Typing the lyrics of the song out of memory. Trying to remember.

"Born with a vision to be the best
Rising above the rest
We speak with one clear voice
As this is our choice
Cause we're

Born with a vision to be the best
Rising above the rest
We speak with one clear voice
Yes this is our choice
Meridian yes we will be the best

Feel the flame of our dream, burn forever
As our journey here begins, We're together
With each step we take we know
Strength to strenth we'll grow
As we set ourselves apart

Facing challenges ahead
We will overcome
With passion, fervour we will strive
*can't remember this line*
We will reach the highest star
Through Meridian
Yes our hopes and dreams will shine

Born with a vision to be the best
Rising above the rest
We speak with one clear voice
As this is our choice
Cause we're

Born with a vision to be the best
Rising above the rest
We speak with one clear voice
Yes this is our choice
Meridian yes we will be the best"

I still prefer St. Hilda's School's school song Go Forward. Once a Hildian, always a Hildian. And I was a Hildian for 12 years. That's the cool part. Haha. =p

No.3: What I thought was happening wasn't true. Which is good. Cos it's not what the other 2 did to me. So, that's good. But I guess I should get to know a little bit more.

Well, seriously I think Akrab's a pretty ok guy. As a friend lah. Maybe what happened between my classies and him didn't turn out good, and they have this thing against him, but I do seriously think that he's a rather good friend. Like for example, today in school when we met along the corridor he asked how I was feeling and stuff. Asked whether I was ok and stuff. So, the lesson to learn is not to be influenced by what your friends think of a person.

Ok got to go. That nutcase. Again.

Boy am I tired. Reached home at exactly 8, had a bath and here I am online. Today's Open House was pretty ok, just that it was very tiring, sometimes busy sometimes nothing to do. Yeah. Well, Carol came over after her school today. Was so happy to see her. This birthday girl of mine. Haiz, I just feel so happy everytime I get to see her. Hehs. Ok, the performances in the canteen today was pretty good. And we were so shocked when the audience shouted encore and all that shit. We were like, Huh? What the hell for? But in the end we still played half a piece for them lah. Oh wells. Played a little bit of volleyball just now. Like, cos Leon came over to look for Joyce and was walking around with the volleyball to look for her. So as they were talking I just took the ball from him and started to play with it with the wall. Hmm, my skills didn't really deprove, for that I'm glad. Cos I really haven't been playing much since I came to MJ, cos nobody around me likes the game, so I can't find much people to play it with me. So yeah.

Diana said something to me just now, and well. It set me thinking the whole day. I knew I had to do something. Was considering whether to call or not, and then finally decided that I'll prob send him a msg later. And yah, some other stuffs. What I heard from her was bad news, and I didn't really know what to say next. I just went, "Oh." So, I think Akrab, Cassandra and Alyaa know what's happening already. Like, I'm the last person to know. I don't understand why I'm always the last person to know about stuffs. Really. But well, I still think that even when you know what's wrong, I should be informed. They all mean well I know. They don't want me to get worried I know, but I still have the right to know what's exactly happening. That's how a relationship should be like. We can get through this.



"I'm With You"
I'm Standing on a bridge
I'm waitin in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
Theres nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening but theres no sound

Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are but I...
I'm with you

I'm looking for a place searching for a face is anybody here i know
Cause nothings going right and everythings a mess and no one likes to be alone
Isn't anyone tryin to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are but I...
I'm with you

Oh why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind yea yea yea
It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are but I...
I'm with you

Take me by the hand take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are but I...
I'm with you
I'm with you

Take me by the hand take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are but I...
I'm with you
I'm with you
I'm with you...

Read this: I'm with you.

Ok, now I'm in the library slacking away when I'm supposed to be helping out in the classroom for our booth. But then it's just a few of them doing and the rest are all just slacking away. LIke listening to music or just sleeping. It's so dumb ah.

Ok, Morning Assembly wasn't really ok. I was trying to pull back my tear glands, I didn't want to like have a break down in front of them ahs. It's like, I wouldn't know what to do if my classmate cried at morning assembly either. I feel like some stupid pessimistic idiot now ah. Diana said she'll talk to him, but I don't know when. I think I have to talk to him too. Like, settle stuff between us. And the stuff I heard from Shaz and Wenqi didn't really help him to get away. Like, hello! Fuck shit. Haiz. This is not going to happen to me. It happened once, it happened twice. Not for the third time. Not for the third time.

Subject: She

She has been feeling a little down lately. At first, she didn't know why she was acting that way. But then she realised that things have changed. She wants to blame it on the exams, but can't do that. She still hasn't vented her frustration, and is still keeping everything that has happened inside of her. She feels terrible, but realises she can't do anything about it. Or rather, she's too tired to want to do anything. Too tired to want to change anything.

She wants to say everything out to somebody, but can't seem to find anyone to open up to. Well, maybe there is. But she probably still in some way or other, feel like not saying anything to anybody. And now new things have come up. Not much problems, just one. And even though it's only one problem, it's a rather big one. It just happened and it's draining her away. She really doesn't want to feel how she's feeling now. She wants the best for him. He doesn't know what's wrong with him either. She wants him to get his stuff done before thinking about the both of them. She hopes that she's helping him in some way or another by doing this, but afraid that she's not. She's contradicting herself in a lot of ways, and she doesn't seem to understand herself. She wants to put the blame on the exams again, which she thinks probably explains why he's changed. She doesn't know, and he doesn't know why either. She was trying to hold back her tears on her way home just now. And listening to Jay Chou's Jie Kou didn't really help. But she made it into the lift before she finally cried. Walked out of the lift, walked to the stairs, and just stood at the top of the flight of stairs for 10 whole minutes. Not moving, not talking. Just standing there, thinking. Thinking about everything. And then everything soon became a blur for her again. She wiped away her tears, and started down the stairs towards her home.

He hasn't been talking to him for the past few days. He has just been hanging around with his friends, and leaving her to do things by herself. He's no longer sticking with her, or looking for her whenever he has free periods. He hasn't called, and doesn't msg a lot a day. They're taking a break, wanting to allow time for himself to get his things right.

She's not hoping for the best, but is still hoping.

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Grace just told me that we'll be shifting in 3 weeks. That's what Mummy told her. I'm excited to move into another flat to call my home, but I really can't bear to leave this one.

Listening to: Pieces of Me
Time: 8.44pm

Ok actually, I'm typing this on Microsoft Word. Because that nutcase is using her laptop online doing I-don't-know-what. She's been on it ever since I reached home at 5.50pm. I'm just typing now in case I forget what I want to say. Yah, so. Hmm, didn't blog yesterday. Then today Wanky was like, 'You very long never blog le hor?' Er, just one day? Oh wells. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel now. I don't know if I should feel upset or angry or happy or act as if nothing happened. Anyway..

Went out with Cass, Akrab, Alyaa and Lucien yesterday. Had lunch at Long John's then watched White Chicks at Tampines GV. Anyone who skips White Chicks is stupid. It's like, movie of the month you know? Freaking funny. It temporarily helped me forget what I had in mind. Anyway, after we sat down into the movie, I was asked to changed seats with Alyaa. I agreed even though I didn't exactly like to sit next to a stranger. I guess I was just being nice. Haha. Usually I would just want to sit like with people I know next to me. My close friends would know I want to sit in the middle all the time ah. But I changed. Oh wells. So I sat the sides lah. It was pitch dark, like all the others in the cinema were waiting for the movie to start ahs. You could hardly see anything ah. Then Lucien presented this bouquet of flowers to me ah. And I was like, 'Er.. Yah?'

'These are for you.'

*panics and thinks of what to say* 'Oh.. Thanks.' Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

-5 minutes into the movie- 'So how do you feel after receiving the flowers?'

'Um.. Don’t know.' Muahahahahahahahahaha. *like, stupid qn ah?*

Then I sat back and started to think about what happened earlier in school. Blink blink. *Focus on the movie you stupid shit*

-Fast forward- Movie ends. 'I can’t send you home.' *Mood goes from super hyper to right at the bottom*

'Erm, it’s ok lah.' Ok, let's just forget about this day. Should talk about something happier.

Let's just skip the PW part of this morning. Had cheer practice for the Inter-House Cheer Comp coming up this Thursday. More like a dance I should say. But it was fun. Like, really. If I do this often I would be able to lose so much weight can. And if we don't win I would seriously curse and swear at the judges ah. Overall today was fine. I'm not exactly in the mood to talk about happy stuffs now ah. Not to mention someone was damn dao today. Didn't know I would be like affected by it. Didn't really think about why it happened until I kept recalling what Wanky said.

*goes into PMS mood*OOPS.

Listening to: Vindicated

AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy now! I just bought the Jay Chou's Qi Li Xiang's CD with the free metal case!! Woohoo! SO excited now! Haha. Ok I know it's just the free metal case. But it's mine! I have it! Haha. I'm getting hyper.

Oh yah, Lucien called!! Like, finally I could hear his voice. But it's only for 5 minutes. Better than nothing lah! Tomorrow got PW at 8am. So early. Can't even sleep in late. So so so so out of place. Can't they make it at like about 10 or something? Haiz. Now I don't know if I should go with Daddy. He'll fetch but I'll reach school like super early. Like at 7.20 ahs. Sian. Oh wells. I'll decide tomorrow.

Going out tomorrow afternoon with Cass Akrab Alyaa and Lucien. Hmm, it's more of a gathering rather than a date huh. Oh wells. They're leaving me out of the conference tonight! So not fair. I'm just keeping quiet because they're all so loud and talking at the same time. I should just shut up and listen right? Damn. Next time I should just hang up on them huh. And they say I don't talk! This is pissing me off. I should calm down a bit huhs. Oh wells. I can get my sleep earlier then. Hahs. Ok, it's not funny.

Listening to: Wai Po

Woohoo! Woke up like freaking early today. Guess it's because I know there was PW meeting today. Not that I actually look forward to it ah, but because I didn't know the time to meet so I should get up early to check for any messages right. But then, people are coming over so I can't go out alreadys. Darn. Oh wells.

Anyway, I just received a msg from Lucien! Apparently his phone was confiscated. Sad case huh. I want to go out shopping. I want go out watch movies. Haha. Tomorrow tomorrow, I'm definitely praying hard for it.

Oh damn, this morning as I was having breakfast Mummy was talking to me about relationships. Like, again!?! She has been practically preaching to me for the past few days on what kind of guys I should look out for, and what kind of guys I should never never ever accept. Like some radio that has been going on non-stop. Then suddenly she stopped and asked, 'You know that that Stanley step on two boats a not ah?' Then I was like, 'So? Can't be bothered lah.'

'Tell you only mah. You see this kind of guy, only know how to flirt only. Then now never come church already right? Change? Change what change?'

Silence. 'Ok lah. Not my problem already lah.' Then she changed the topic. 'Who's the guy in the picture?' *points at a picture 'featuring' Lucien and I*

'Huh? My friend lor.'

'The one that stays in Wimborne Road one ah? He like you is it? After you ah?' *Not again* 'I tell you ah, look for boyfriend must find those who will take care of you one ah. Don't find those very handsome one leh. Find
those as ugly as possible one. But not too extreme lah. Those acceptable but not handsome one.'

And I was like, *dot dot dot* 'Ok.' Then I quickly walked out of the Kitchen. Wahahahahahahahahahahah.

I want to watch a movie. Anbybody interested? White Chicks, Dodgeball, Cinderella story[if it's still available] or Wimbledon. Haiz. I'm like, deprived.

Listening to: Accidentally In Love

Ok, now I'm half eating my dinner and blogging. I know it's a bit too early to eat but I'm like super hungry now ahs. My last meal was at 10 this morning. Was in school on the way till 3, so yah. Oh wells. Had CO this morning, and it bore the shits out of me. I'm glad I didn't really go off-form though. I mean, for the pieces lah. Practising for the MJ's Open House coming up on this coming Friday. Yeah, but signed up for the Tour Guide thingy too. So I guess I'll be running two places that day. Yeap. My phone has been really quiet these past two days. Saving SMS, Lucien and I. Coincidentally our bills for last month exploded quite a bit. Haha. Coincidentally huhs. So, SMS count for today=4. Yeap. Continue saving. I can't be bother about the results I'll be getting anymore. Or rather, I try not to think about them. What's over is over yah? Ok, got to go back to my dinner alreadys.

Listening to: I Need You by Leann Rimes.

Wah! I totally love this song! Think I'll look for the lyrics and put it up someday. Well, woke up at around 8 this morning, just couldn't go back to sleep anymore. Oh wells. Had CO pract just now, and after that was supposed to go out with Lucien, Cassandra, Akrab and Alyaa. But Mr Lucien Chua aka Organiser of event couldn't make it last minute. So, no choice lah. After pract came back home. There's CO pract tomorrow and on Monday again, but I don't feel like going on Monday though. I want to go out with Lucien. But I don't dare to keep my hopes up to high, just in case things crop up again. Hmm, will see if I'll skip on Monday.

Oh yah! I'm hooked onto VOS now. Hehs. I finally know how to open the thing ahs. SO FUN! Hahahahaha.

Well, don't know what came over me in the bus on my way to school just now. Suddenly got super depressed, and before I even knew it, tears were already blinding me. I don't know where they came from, and I just blinked and brushed them away. Oh wells.

I can't stand that nutcase. Got to go. That nutcase. AGAIN.

I'm your Angel

No mountains too high, for you to climb
All you have to do is have some climbing faith, oh yeah
No rivers too wide, for you to make it across
All you have to do is believe it when you pray
And then you will see, the morning will come
And everyday will be bright as the sun
All of your fears cast them on me
I just want you to see

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices says when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

I saw the teardrops, and I heard you cry
All you need is time, seek me and you shall find
You have everything and you're still lonely
It doesn't have to be this way, let me show you a better day
And then you will see, the morning will come
And all of your days will be bright as the sun
So all of your fears, just cast them on me
How can I make you see..

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices says when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

And when it's time to face the storm
I'll be right by your side
Grace will keep up safe and warm
And I know we will survive
And when it seems as if your end is drawing near
Don't you dare give up the fight
Just put your trust beyond the sky..

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices says when you call me
I am your angel
And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel
I'm your angel

This is for the special someone I have in my life. No matter how far you try to push me away, I'll still be here. If you would just let me.

Ok, changed my blogskin. Hehs cute huh. Got nothing to do in school ah, so was looking for blogskins. Well, found one that I like, so decided to use it. Got to go look for books to borrow already. Like, it's me borrowing books you know. It's a big thing. Haha.

I'm in school. For don't know what for. Like, reached an hour ago and I think I'll be going home soon. Well, borrow some books first lah. I don't know what made me decide to come to school today also, but I think it beats better than staying at home doing nothing. I want holidays, but at the same time don't want them because I can't think of anything else to do. Like, now my life revolves around going to school in the morning, studying and going for lessons, and then going home to sleep. Now that exams are over, there aren't much things for me to do. Everyone's busy. Lucien and his badminton thingies, Wanky and her paper tomorrow. I've got to come to school again tomorrow. Think I'll look for some books to borrow to read and then entertain myself with the piano at home.

I realised that there are still some people who still don't understand me. Even after spending 6 months with me, walking with me, and so-called standing by me, they still don't know what kind of person I am like. I guess it's because they still haven't seen me like my youths have. Maybe they should start. Or just don't bother to.

I am starting to feel left out.

Listening to: Fly Away

I want to fly. Fly far far away. I don't know how to face the people around me anymore. Fuck. I didn't screw my Chem paper too badly, but I don't think I'll get a pass for it though. I just think I will do better than my Mid-Yrs. Math was totally screwed ah. I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. I don't think I can even get pass the 20 mark. I totally felt like crying today sia. Like shit, what the hell does Ms Lai want? No wonder nobody wants to screw her. Got two things. One happy one sad.

The happy thing is, exams are over. Yay-ness. Sense the unwillingness to shout yeah? For one, I won't have to study already. But thinking about the results I will be getting just makes me so upset. Like, haiz. Don't know how to explain lah. Fuck the exams. Fuck Math 9233. Fuck MJC.

And the sad thing is, today I felt as bad as I felt yesterday. Like, I couldn't help you know. I really wanted to talk to him, but I kind of got shooed away. I don't know lah, don't want to think too much about it either. I bet all his friends are now going to say I'm some heartless bitch. There he was sitting on the bench feeling so upset, and here I am walking to the bus stop with Wanky. I feel so bad lah, but it's not like I can help it right. The whole time today I was trying my best not to start cursing and swearing. I was trying not to break down in front of him ah. Didn't want to make things worse. Haiz, I just hope it will blow over soon lah. Hope he'll vent his anger on the soccer ball tomorrow. Then I will have to find something else to do tomorrow. But I think I'll just end up slacking at home ah. It's no fun walking around shopping with no meaning, with nobody. Oh wells.

Don't mind my language today. Just letting off steam.

Listening to: Broken

Oh wells. I just reached home from school. Was studying all the way from 7.30 till 5. But of course I had breaks in between, like from 11.30 to 1.45 I was practically slacking ah. Haha. Oh wells, at least I finished half my revision for Chem already. But for Math, I only covered first 3 months stuff only. Shit sia. Don't think I'll sleep early tonight, probably like in the morning. Haiz.

The Phy students came down late, like half an hour later after their paper. Don't know why they took so long either. Wanted to ask Lucien but I kind of shut up. I don't know how tough the paper was but I guess it must be a real killer. He looked so confident when he went up to the hall, a little stressed out of course, but when he came down I knew straight away from his facial expression that it was really bad. He got a little worked up though. Was walking around the canteen after he put down his bag beside me. Wanted to go walk up to him and give him a hug asking him to calm down, but like, we're in school. Haha. I didn't know what else to say to him ah, I totally suck at consoling people can. I was just looking at him hoping he would calm down a little. I felt really bad lah, that I couldn't do anything to help him. Haiz, he really looked like he was going to cry. Luqman was a little worse off. He practically didn't utter a word at all after he reached the canteen. Haiz. Stupid school. Stupid principal. Stupid teachers. They totally want to kill us man. Stupid Ms Lai really can't wait to kick people out of the school to make space for 950 dragon babies next year. What the. Haiz. 5 papers already, everybody's response was that they were tough. And I bet tomorrow's Chem and Math wouldn't be any different either. It's still going to be straight F's for me ah.

I was so looking forward to Thursday. But now somethings have happened. Like, outsiders. Well, Lucien will fill me in later at night. I just hope it won't affect Thurs though. Coz, yah. I really want to go out with him on Thursday. Even though I'm still the one who decides whether we go out on Thurs or not, but it still has to be depend on my mood right.

There's one thing that has been bugging me. I really don't want to lead worship for youth service in church. It bothers me actually. Alot. You guys haven been trying to get me to lead worship ever since the youth camp since last yr's June. And my biggest weakness and strength is that I can't bring myself to reject people. I just can't. Haiz. It's even worse if you ask me in my face. I'm not willing. Why can't you just get that into your head? Don't you get hints? Are you people dumb or just stupid? I don't want to lead.

A word of advice to the dragon babies: If you are thinking of coming to MJ next yr to continue your tertiary education, I advice that you think twice. No, think thrice instead. Unless you're sure that you won't fail every test and exam paper, unless you're sure that you will get good tutors to help you, unless you're sure you can get very good friends from other JCs to pass you their notes, unless you're sure that you're that resourceful, don't even think of coming here. But I don't think you will get much help lah, because all the tutors suck. They're just graduates from NIE, mostly in their mid 20s, and they have no experience in teaching. Especially teaching JC students. They contradict what they say. They're like blur. And I don't understand how they can say that Ms Lai can pick good teachers. I bet she just picks them based on their qualifications. But hello! Qualifications don't mean everything you evil woman. The lecture notes suck. The notes are like here and there. They don't match with the lecturers. The ten yr series that they ask you to buy totally suck. They don't provide solutions like other books do. And the exam papers, it doesn't matter if you study or don't. If you ever come to MJ, you will go berserk like many of us now. And besides, Ms Lai can't wait to kick people out of school to make space for the next batch of students. nd the school is obsessed with Project Work. Day in day out is project work. And there are no study breaks like the other JCs. What the fuck. Yah. Enough venting of frustration for today. Tomorrow will have even more. Trust me on that. Just pray that I won't have a break down tomorrow. I wouldn't want to scare the shits out of my friends ah. Yah, so. Think about what I've just typed.

Dinner's here. Got to go already. My doom is near. Ciao.

Lucien and me in school. We were supposed to be studying lah. Kenneth took it for us. Yeap. Ok his mohawk looks weird now. It doesn't look so bad in person. Haha. Tried to put this pic in my profile side but the image turned out blur. I hope this turns out fine though. 

Damn. History Paper was like shit. Had Chinese paper 1 and 2 in the morning. Sat at that stupid table for 3 hours writing Chinese. I skipped the whole of SectionB and E. The Han Yu Pin Yin and the dumb close passage. I didn't know how to do lah, and I was glad I didn't waste much time staring at words I didn't know how to read, because I just had enough time to do my Chinese summary. Oh wells. That's 30 marks down the drain. Haiz.

Had Chicken rice, and started studying from 11.30 to 1.45. Was trying to get all those stupid facts into my head but just couldn't. Was starting to panic about my brain block when Lucien called. Hehs. Poor guy, grounded. Haiz. Oh wells. Then during the history paper I was writing crap. Literally crap. I didn't even know what I was writing. Finished 15 minutes early, tried to sleep. Couldn't. Haiz. I think I really have to buck up in my Math and Chem papers already. Both on Wednesday. Then I'll be free. Got the sudden urge to just not study anymore, because I already know what the outcome would be for me. But oh wells. Think I should get going. Buy some finger food from the canteen and head home for my bed. Tired like shit.

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Ok I'm home. Just bathed. Waiting for dinner, so I come online first. Going to start studying later at 8 till 10. Then watch Friends. Hehs. Haven't watched it for very long already. Then start studying at 11pm again. Hmm, one paper down. 2 more to go. Well, going to study like nuts in school tomorrow. Haven't decided what time to go to school though. Will decide later lah. Wednesday 5pm. So looking forward to it. So so so so looking forward to it. Ok, dinner's ready. Got to go already. See ya.