I want the whole world to know. I feel loved, I feel blessed, I feel so fortunate to have him in my life.

Listening to: Beauty and the Beast

Hmm, don't know why I'm blogging now. Like, this is like my 3rd entry of the day. Just didn't feel like doing anything else lah. Was looking at some Friendster profiles and I saw how some people can be such jerks ah. It's like, what the hell? But seriously ah, it doesn't concern me you know. I'm like, amused lah. A few months ago you were like saying you both will never be together and suddenly now your status on Friendster is 'Married'? Where's the sense in that? It's like bullshit you were saying lah. Oh wells. I don't care really. I'm living fine with Lucien.

Anyway, went home with Lucien today. Was raining, so had to take the bus home instead of walking through the park. Oh wells. But I enjoyed every moment with him lah. Rain or no rain. Bus or no bus. Park or no park. Just having him close next to me is such a nice feeling. He's someone I have never met before. Unlike those that I've met. Hit it off straight away. And when I say straight away, it really means straight away. Haha. Yeah, he's so nice. And he knows exactly how I feel lah. I don't have to tell him I'm feeling upset or tired or irritated. He just knows. So sweet! And and.. Alot of things lah. Haha. He's going to be grinning from ear to ear when he gets to read this lah. Haha. Oh yah, you better not bathe with cold water again. Just because I have to bathe in cold water due to the spoilt heater doesn't mean you have to do the same with me. And stop buying me MnM's Peanuts everyday even though you know I really like them. Haha.

Anyway, got school holiday tomorrow!! Yeappie! Haha, coming to think of it, the reason for the school holiday is quite dumb ah. Many J1 students have been skipping school alot this week. Ms Lai was saying the other day that more than 100 students skipped school on Monday. And even after that the attendance didn't improve much, so tomorrow would be a school holiday for us to have more time to prepare for our Promos. So I'll be going down to the airport early tomorrow morning. Meeing Lucien there at 7.30am. Don't know what time we'll study till though. Just afraid that we would end up leaving early and going shopping ah. Haha. That was what happened last year. Plus there's WH Smith at the airport lah. Got so many magazines lor. Wonder who I'll see there tomorrow. I know Shaz and Irfan will be going down to the Staff Canteen. Hmm, got to ask Dida if she and Shawn would like to join us. I hope I don't get to see people I don't want to see though. Like, erm. Never mind. Haha.

Ok, I got to go already. Got to study a bit before Lucien calls later. Hehs.

Oh wells. Just had lunch. Chicken rice. I'm so going to put on weight lah. Because these few days it's like eat and then sit down study. Sian. But who cares lah. After the promos I'm so going to exercise. They're going to take height and weight again. Like, the 1st PE lesson after promos. But luckily for me, the next PE lesson would be about 2 weeks after my promos. So I will have ample time to lose weight. Haha.

This past week I've seen many of my friends getting upset and demoralised. Like, there are so much more marks that they would have to get for their upcoming papers so that they would get promoted. Well, the same goes for me lah. Not like I'm some freak who does well in school. Got rather upset actually. Oh wells.
2.27pm

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I'm in the school library again. Slacking. Haiz. Don't know what came over me just now. Suddenly got very upset. Guess it's because of the fact that I would have to get like 70 marks for my Maths promo paper to ensure an A Level pass is so scary. It's like, impossible. And I bet for AO Level pass is not going to be much lower either. Sian ji pua. I just don't feel like doing anything now. It's like, studying so hard, may have shown improvement in the Promo papers, but having not enough marks overall to meet the criteria is still going to mean that I either get kicked out or retained. Seriously, if I get the chance to retain[read: the chance], I will switch to Arts course instead, and take Geog, Math and probably Lit or Econs. I won't want to touch Sci again. Especially Chem. Stupid shit. Sian.

Count down: 5 more days to Promos.

Darn. Can you look at that freaking date. 5 more days. I'm in shit lah. And GP is on this Saturday. Sick. Just finished school so I came to the library to slack for awhile. I should start studying later. I mean, I will start later. Trying to log into Friendster, but it's so slow. Hmm, oh wells. It's raining, and Lucien and I agreed to go out for lunch. Hmm, don't know about that now.

Wanky's not here today. Again. Bet she went out to study overnight or something. And she doesn't even give me a msg to tell me she's not coming. Then in the morning I will be like some idiot trying to look for her. Haha. Oh wells. What to do.

I need like a 48.5 for my History paper on Monday afternoon to get an A Level grade for my overalls. Out of 100. I might as well aim for a 50. Darn. Shit man. I think I'm going to need even more for my Maths and Chem papers. Like probably 60 or something. Haha. Sian. One more week. Exactly one more week and I can relax already. Yeap, can't wait for it. Yeah.

Happy birthday Kelv! You're 25! Haha. Ehz have fun today okie dokies? Smile!

Ok, I'm in the school library. Just had my class photo taken. Outside LT4, of all places. The location is like, so eews. So not nice. But no choice ah, stupid school. Hmm. Skipped PE, because the photo was taken during PE lesson. Was supposed to go back for Electives, but couldn't be bothered to. Nobody will actually go back lah. So now I'm here trying to log into Friendster[which seems to take forever], and looking at blogskins. I'm not intending to change yet, because I still pretty much like me present one. Haha. Rubbish lah. And at the same time waiting for Lucien to come down from Physics Lecture. Jeng Jeng Jeng. Haha. I'm going bonkers.

This morning Dida was like 'Anna. Congratulations ah.' Then haha. Oh wells. Then 5 seconds later Szeech popped her head over and said the same thing. Hmm, news are spreading like wildfire. But I seriously don't care lah. What's there to hide about anyway. It's so scandalous if we actually hide the relationship. Haha. Ok, I got nothing much to say now. Ciao.

Listening to: Jie Kou

Hmm, haven't been blogging for the past few days ah. A little lazy to actually update about me. Now, I just don't feel like doing anything else so I decided to blog. Plus I think I should listen to Wanky a little ah. Haha. She's like so desperate for me to blog like that. Oh wells. Been studying the past few days. Though I don't think that I've been concentrating 100% because of some distractions in school ah. Haha. So from next week onwards I will really try to focus 100%. Because I really don't want to fail my exams ah. I will seriously cry. It's like, everyone around me will get promoted. Except for me. Which is quite saddening ah. Haiz. So I really really really have to study and pass. Should ask Patrick and Igor Pangkiwan how many marks I would need to pass ah. Cos, for Chem, I can just totally forget about getting an A level grade. For Math also lah actully. Sian. I'm so weak in everything.

Oh wells. Apart from studies, life is getting rather fine for me. The feeling of being loved is so good ah. Like, knowing that someone out there loves you much more than anything else in the world is like, bliss. Really. Bliss.

Hehs. Ok, I got to go study already. I'm going to study until 10pm. Then, I will talk on the phone. Yeahs. Haha.

Out of bo liao-ness I was looking at my Friendster Friend List just now. Then out of curiousity I clicked on one name. Read the profile and I couldn't help feeling a lil' irritated. Like, who's hiding anyway? At least other people have enough integrity to tell right from wrong, and wouldn't cheat other people. Look who's talking!?! What can you do seriously? Kill? I suggest that you should just stick to looking after that weird-looking bear that's hanging on that weird-looking tree.

Listening to: The Reason

AAHHHHHHHH!!! I love this song!! Marcus was playing it in the library and I asked him to turn up the volume. Hehs. I love the song I love the lyrics I love the tune. Haha, I think I'm going bonkers already. I'm like crazy over this song. Haha oh wells.

Finished school early today so decided to come to the library. Going to study later, so, yah. Hmm, I am very happy today. Except for when Chem tutorial came my mood just went sian. I think one reason why the class does so badly is because of the teacher. Of course, we also have to be responsible for our studies and not blame the teacher but all of us think that he can't teach. AT ALL. Only he understands himself. And he always picks on me. Every lesson he will call out my name and ask, 'Ok Anna?' Then I'll be like, 'Yah.' in a very irritated tone. Haha. Ok I know I'm being very mean, but who cares? I don't, so yah. Even though I have a very blur look on my face it doesn't mean I don't understand one shit he's talking about. Sometimes I don't understand why but I actually listen ok. Haha.

Oh yah, Shazleen has a blog! And so does Irfan. I think Irfan is such a nice and sweet and caring guy. Go read! I linked him already. Not to mention that he's also always exploited by Shazleen to do things for her. But I'm sure he does it all willingly. I so envy them. Sighs.

Ok anyway, I got to go to the canteen to start studying now. Ciao.

Listening to: Wai Po

Hmm, ok. Just got home about more than an hour ago. Was studying in school, then went for dinner. Yah, something like that. I'm feeling a little distracted today. Yah, was thinking about my discman. It's like, dying on me already. It has been with me for 5 yrs. 5 long years and now it's almost gone. Sighs. I don't know how I'll survive without it, so damn it. I can't live without music. ARGH! Darn. I hate my phone. I have to charge it every night. Battery is dying also. Damn. I'm only going to get a Nokia phone next time. Hmm, I think they survive longer. Crap shit. I don't want my discman to die!

Haiz, never mind. Forget it. I think I'll just go study now. Ciao.

I feel so so so so so so so blessed now. Yah. Really.

Ok, right now I'm in the school library. Having my free period now so I just came here with Shaz. Oh, and I also have to do my Math tutorial. Don't really know how to do it lah. Not having much background in A Maths is one big disadvantage, and even though I still have the textbook at home I'm kind of lazy to actually learn from the start. And I also have to consider whether I actually have extra time to do so. If Jasmine or Mummy reads this they will say 'don't use computer lah. den got alot of time already wad.' Especially Jasmine. Sian.

There are still some things that I'm not sure of, and I do want to be sure of it soon. But also half-wanting it not to be sure that soon. Because I don't know what will happen next. Things are getting on really really on fine and I really want it to turn out well you know? I wouldn't want both parties to feel awkward or upset or anything. If nothing comes out of it that is. And yah, I guess a lil' teasing from Shaz and Dida wouldn't really mind. Haha. Smiling? I bet you are.

Ok, enough of that. Got to go study already. Been putting off the binding of my chem notes, and I have to do it soon. Maybe later before I go up to the hall. Jeng jeng jeng. Haha.

Listening to: Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu

Ok, today I'm very happy. Haha. I also don't know why, just like super hyper. Maybe it was because I was laughing too hard during PE lesson today. I don't know what the game is called but yah, there were only 4 girls in the group. Just my class girls. Like Dida, Shaz, Wanky and me. The rest were guys from don't-know-what-class. Haha. It was so funny lah. Like one of the rules was like you have to bounce the rugby ball every ten steps you take. Then the guys were like counting and running in slow-motion. Yeah and it was like so damn bloody funny. Haha. The 4 of us were like just posing around the field. Haha, oh wells.

Hmm, was supposed to study in school with Lucien today. But his Dad came early to fetch him for his birthday celebration, so yah, didn't really get to study much. I didn't exactly want to study alone in school, so I went back home. Yah, something like that lah.

Anyway, I guess God really has a plan for me. Like, yah. I guess He really does. Like letting me meet more people, letting me know them, letting me understand them more. Even though I feel very stressed up in this new school of mine, but I sure am glad that I have at the same time, in the midst of all my brains juices getting squeezed out, have some very nice friends of mine who have been here for me. Like, they really do care for me. It's totally different from Shss. I'm not saying that my friends in Shss didn't care for me. They did, and they still do, and I really really appreciate that. It's just that this time it's kind of different. myabe because it's another group of people that have come from like everywhere else. Anywhere else apart from my 10 years in St. Hilda's. Ok, I don't think I'm actually making any sense. Oh wells. Oh as I was saying, God has put me through those two nerve-wreaking idiots and I'm glad I have since come out of the distress. And rather quickly too actually. Hahas. And at the same time, oh never mind. Shan't talk much about that here.

Yah ok. I don't have much to say now. I should start studying some time soon. Hmm. Oh wells. Yeah ok.

Oh yah, Ferli! I know you've just started on your Prelims today. So, all the best ok!

Ok anw, Happy Birthday Lucien! =D

Well oh well. Today was fine for me. Definitely not like what happened last Sunday. Actually I didn't feel like blogging today, because I just didn't feel like it. Haha. But Mummy asked me to switch off my CD player so that she could sleep, and I got kind of bored after I did that. And Lucien said maybe I should blog, so here I am!

Ok, I really don't know what to say now. I'm feeling bored but not tired even though I slept at 3am in the morning. Haha. I didn't know that I would actually talk on the phone until 3 am in the morning. The last time was like unitl 5am, and it happened like years ago. So, oh wells.

Feeling happy today. Haha. Woke up at 10.30 with sound from the piano coming to my ears. Used the computer until like almost 1pm before I went to bathe and get ready for church. Oh well. Went shopping after church today. Well, not really shopping lah. Just like went to get a present for my friend. Was searching high and low for it. I was like, really afraid I wouldn't find it but I guess God was on my side. Haha.

Then I went to Popular to get a card. When I finally decided on which card to get and went to the cashier, I waited and waited. Like for almost 15 minutes. A customer in front was buying some stationery. Ok, make it alot of stationery. Like erasers and notebooks. Then the cashier took so damn bloody long to count them I just walked off to another cashier. Darn.

Yeah, so like I'm online and typing this and laming and I don't know what for. Hmm oh yah, found a very nice friend. Lucien! Haha. He's so funny. Ok, I'm done. Hahas.

Happy 17th Birthday Lucien! I know your birthday is like tomorrow lah, but yah. Just wishing you an early one in case I don't come online tomorrow.

Listening to: Gu Dan Bei Ban Qiu by Ling

Hmm, female version of the original one. Or was it the other way around? Oh wells. I don't exactly care also. Just reached home at around 6 and here I am online. Was out for almost 12 hours. Like every other school day. Hmm, had History Lecture this morning, then went down to the airport to study with HongJin and EngTian. They, always bully me. Keep asking me to buy food and drinks for them. After that ask me go throw. Well, didn't exactly buy for them lah. Like just drinks only. Doing all these for them not because I'm easy to bully, but because I want to do something for them. Because I don't know when I'll see them again. Maybe it will be another 3 months. Or 6 months. Or never again. I don't know.

One week less. Two more weeks to the Promos. Hmm, revision's not getting very fine. Just that after an hour or so I will get bored, or distracted. And I seem to be studying the same topics every single day. Damn. I'm in shit. I need a change in chapters. I'm just studying and doing the chapters that I like and that's not good for my Promos.

Wanky. I'm sorry I kind of made you stay with me to study until night time in school, instead of going down to Parkway with you. Because my ez-link card really no more money already. I think I'll ask Mummy to give me money for me to use concession ok? So sorry. I like studying at parkway. I feel like I actually achieve something there. Haha. I know it's stupid but it's true. Especially if it's with her. Hehs.

Feeling a whole lot better these days. Especially Friday night and today. Was rather upset, but now I feel free. I'm not some ingrate lah Eng Tian. I treause my relationships with all my friends ok. Just that there are just some who are really not worth the effort if they keep hurting you, yah?

Ok, going to do some other stuff online now.

"ok this is wat i wan to say...Anna rocks. Anna is one girl who deserves 100% love from her love. NOT 50% and sharing with watever koala..."

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha. WenQi and I were laughing our asses off when we read this just now. I love Ferli! Haha. She is so cute. She knows exactly what I'm thinking. Haha. Oh well. Nothing to say. So now I pass this on to Wenqi.

hello. wanky is here! yeppie doodles. er. okie i love my moo. i hate peeps who hurt her. byeeeeeee. this is a honourable chance to type here. haha. I WILL BE BACK.

Ok. She is so bo liao.

I seriously seriously hate people who sweet-talk girls all the time. This kind of people deserve to be banished to the 18th gates of hell. Treating people like shit, having and flirting with other girls behind other people's back. They totally suck.

Ok I'm feeling bloody pissed now. My friends are like that. And my friends' friends are also like that. Not all though, just some. Who the hell do these people think they are? I totally feel for those who have been cheated by these fucking assholes. Victims are such poor things. They give in their heart and all but they get nothing back in return. Just such actions make me boil sometimes. Are these people that desperate that they have to resort to doing things like that? Giving stupid reasons like being too far apart in terms of academic qualifications and family and character are just bullshit. BULLSHIT.

Looks take you nowhere. Looks don't last forever. You being good looking now doesn't mean you'll also be in 50 years. If you're still alive by then, that is. But I bet, with the amount of bad stuff you puff in everyday, you'll die in ten years.

People who have gone through this kind of shit, just remember that all is not lost. You still have friends around you. You can be angry at such fucking sick pathetic pathetic idiotic physcotic lying assholes. But just learn to let go of it. They're not worth such effort to anybody. Just leave them to rot.

I'm done with venting my frustration now.

Location: School Library Level 2

I am so bored. I am so tired. Was trying my best to be awake during all my lessons this morning and I succeeded only halfway. Haha. Especially from Chinese onwards. Who enjoys Chinese and Chem and PW tutorials anyway? Only weird people do I think. I think Mr. Kelvin Tan is so nice to me--he always asks me to answer his questions. *bleah* I don't like him. Darn. Oh well. Came online to print stuff out but realised that I didn't send them to my email at all. What the hell am I thinking? Sighs. Don't have much to type these days. Can't think of anything to say. So I think I ought to go study now. Till 7pm tonight. Integration here I come! Haha.

Listening to: Jie Kou

Ok I resisted the urge to go to the school library to blog for two days. Just went to the library to print out stuff and got out quickly in case I got tempted. Haha. I'm so tired. Sighs, just typed out my notes of meeting for PW and got information for History tutorial. Will print those out tomorrow, because my printer can't work anymore. They bought a new one, but I don't know how to use it, so just forget it. Haha.

Term 4 started out rather ok yesterday. Just woke up feeling very very very very lethargic. Didn't feel like getting out of bed. I also don't know why. Maybe I dreaded going to school yesterday morning. But I'm glad I didn't skip school. I simply love my classmates. They are the funniest bunch of friends anyone can have. Yup so, hmm, I don't know what to say now.

Oh yes. I love integration even though I can't remember shits from differentiation. Haha. People do Math from differentiation to Integration but I can do it better the other way. Hmm, so I'm weird. Felt such a sense of achievement because I could actually do my Integration tutorial1. And it's the first Math tutorial that I enjoyed doing ever since I got into Math 9233 since 24th Mar. Haha. Oh well. Got to go do my Integration tutorial2 already. Tata.

I don't know why I'm blogging again. Like less than half an hour freom the previous one. Maybe I just need to talk now. I really don't trust anyone now. I don't know if I'm supposed to feel this way, but I just feel bad. I feel like everybody offended me. I feel like nobody cares. I feel like I'm not needed anywhere. I feel so controlled. I need some fresh air. I need somebody. Somebody to lend a shoulder. Somebody to hear me out. Listen to what I have to say. I've been keeping a lot of things within me lately. I haven't been talking much about my problems. I haven't been thinking about what I want to do. I haven't really studied today. All I want is to be able to relax myself without anybody hounding me. Today is Sunday. Sunday is my day to go out with my churchies. I know the exams are around the corner but I still have to play. I need to rest by brain cells. Nothing goes in. NOTHING. You may have me at home. You may see me not using the cmputer. You may see me holding my notes in front of me. But I may not be studying at all. Seriously, the times when you actually see me holding my lecture notes, when it actually seems like I'm concentrating, when it seems like I am actually studying, I am not. I cannot, and I repeat, cannot study or concentrate at home.

I thought I would be able to go out and have fun and relax myself today. But I was so thoroughly wrong. I thought they would actually want me to meet them. But I was also wrong. So so so so so so wrong. Coming up to give me a surprise like what you people said didn't exacly make me feel any happier. You just made me have higher hopes, and then made me fall even harder. You just made me heart sink even deeper. You just made me feel more controlled. You just made me feel even more disappointed.

Damn. I'm feeling so pissed off now. Stupid reason for me to stay at home. Fuck shit. Don't mind my language. I really need to let off steam now. What the hell!?!?!? Who the hell you think you are? Just because you didn't have a life when you were 17 doesn't mean I also can't have a life. Just because you don't see me study doesn't mean that I don't study. Fucked up shit. I have my own choice of friends. I choose my friends. Not you. You don't have a choice over who I make friends with. No matter who I have a conversation with is none of your bloody business. I have a life. Respect me for god's sake.

Sometimes I don't know I have so much regard for some of my friends. They still go out for movies with other people even though they said they would wait for you. They keep talking about meeting when and going where to watch the movie but in the end they go with some other people. People that you both know and very close with. But they are just so bad in covering up for what they have done that even I, such a stupid person with such low EQ[and IQ], am actually able to figure what they have done. And acting like you don't know what they did just sucks totally. I really don't want to say all these out but I can't contain it any longer. I don't want them to feel bad but at least just be honest and tell me what you have done. And you're supposed to be my closest friends. What the hell. I should stop typing now. The more agitated I get the sooner I will start to cry.

The Reason by Hoobastank

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over newand the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over newand the reason is You [x4]
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Reflection by Christina Aguilera

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm Someone else?
For all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think?
How we feel?
Must there be a secret me?
I'm forced to hide
I won't pretend that
I'm Someone else
For all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

Ok, don't know why I'm posting this for. But oh well. Just found both songs really nice and all that. Yeap.

Listening to: Jie Kou

Ok, feeling rather upset now actually. Not many things can cheer me up you know. Not especially when there are so many things bugging me. It all started with yesterday morning. Now, just hold your ears and let me whine a bit.

When I woke up yesterday morning, I thought I was going to be late for school because I was supposed to meet Wenqi in school to study. Told my mum that I won'e be going home for dinner because the churchies would be going out to celebrate Ferli's birthday. She didn't say much, just nagged at me saying that I shouldn't be doing this since my promos are just round the corner. I just listened without saying much. Then of all people, that woman had to open her mouth and say 'birthday only what.. no big deal..' Then my mum was like agreeing with her and shit like that. Bloody hell. I hate her mouth I can't wait to tear her lips apart. Hello?!?! She's my friend for god's sake. And it's only one day. I don't study? Want to follow me to school and see me study? I was damn pissed with her. I don't know why the fucking shit I have to be her sister. I don't fucking understand why she has to be my sister. And my elder sister, to be exact. People have fun with their sisters. Sisters share stuff. Sisters share secrets. But she and I don't. She's too dangerous to share any secrets with. She's not one sister I can trust. I just walked out of the house, but not before I was screaming my head out to them. My morning really started out bad.

In the evening, I called to say I would be going home late because I was joining them to don't know whatever community centre for Karaoke. And as expected, I got a scolding. Who cares, I just hung up on her. I felt really bad yesterday. I felt like I spoilt her birthday celebration. Sighs, I'm feeling so guilty. I made up my mind that I will make it up to her. Yes I will.

Anyway, sang damned loudly yesterday. Not to say it was bad because I was just shouting my head off the mic. And then I woke up this morning with a sore throat. Oh well, I don't care really.

Changed my blogskin just now. Can't get the coding for the tagboard right. So oh well, won't bother about that now. Got to go study already. Bye.

Listening to: Qi Li Xiang

Yeah ok. My daddy fixed the computer. I don't know what he did also. He was just fiddling with the CPU for about 5 minutes then I could on the computer already. Whee! So happy. My daddy is one fixer-of-all-kinds. Haha. He has all kinds of tools in the store room anyway. Oh, got so damn pissed just now. Fucking shit. What the fuck does he bloody think he is. Who cares if he fucking reads this. I just want to give him back everything and never see him again. Some pessimistic idiot who thinks the world of himself. I suddenly realise I can't handle pessimistic people. People like him. They literally scare the shit out of me. I don't know how I survived so long with him. But now I'm glad I'm out of him. Or rather I mean, I'm glad he's out of my life. That way it will stay. Bloody hell. Some big shot he thinks he is. But oh well, I may never get to see him again. Yeah.

Oh well, after I came online everything was better for me. Haha. The computer works wonders for me. That's why I love it. I can't live without my computer. Haha. I think I'm going to request it to be cremated with me when I die or something. That is, if I die soon. Because if I live to a ripe old age then they would have something more hi-tech than a Pentium4 computer already. Oh well, maybe something lighter and smaller to go down with me. Or just a micro-chip. A micro chip transplanted into my brain. So that I can still go on MSN or go blogging in my brain. Ok wait, what the hell am I babbling about? I should stop.

Ok, now daddy wants me to go study already. Wow.

Ok now I'm in the school library. Came to school in the morning to study but oh well, now I'm slacking. Today's thursday, and I'm left with 25 more days to mug and mug and mug. Then it will be play, worry, play, worry. Haha. I can't go online at home anymore, because Grace kicked the CPU last night and it jammed. Now I can't use the computer. Darn it. Oh well, but I've got one less thing to distract me from studying at home. Now I'm left with the piano and the TV. But I can forget about the TV because I don't really watch it anymore. Hmm, so it's just the piano. Ok, I know I'm laming. I'm just so bored. So I will blog less often, because this is one of those rare times where there are so little people in the library to use the computers.

Ok I'm getting irritated. Two girls next to me playing some funny thing on the computer and it's loud. And they're laughing to themselves. Sick man. Haha. Oh well. Whatever.

I met Carol Low yesterday with Joycie Peh! At Parkway Parade. Haha. After so long she still hasn't changed one bit. Still so smiley and happy with rosy cheeks and dyed hair. HaHa.

I changed my font. Can you see the difference? Haha.

Difference between the one you like and the one you love...

In front of the person you like, your heart beats faster. But in front of the person you love, you get happy.
In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring.But in front of the person you like, winter is just beautiful winter.
If you look into the eyes of the one you like, you blush. But if you look into the eyes of the one you love, you smile.
In front of the person you like, you can't say everything on your mind.But in front of the person you love, you can.
In front of the person you like, you tend to get shy.But in front of the person you love, you can show your own self.
You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you like.But you can always smile and stare into the eyes of the one you love.
But when the one you like is crying, you end up comforting.When the one you love is crying, you cry with them.
The feeling of like starts from the ear.But the feeling of love starts from the eye.
So if you stop liking a person you used to like, all you need to do is cover your ears.
But if you try to close your eyes, love turns into a drop of tear and remains in your heart forever....

I though this was quite true, because I was comparing also mah. Haha. And I thought it was quite sweet also. So I'm putting this up. Hmm, anybody wants to go to the Zoo with me after my Promos? Haha.

Hello! Hmm, supposed to be studying now. Been reading my History readings all over the house. Haha. I got too bored so here I am. Fell asleep really early last night, at 9 I think. Woke up when I heard my message from Wanky, then was too tired to reply so went back to sleep. Haha, oops. Anyway, woke up at 9 this morning. Wow, had such a long rest, am supposed to be energetic and all but I just don't feel like studying. Exams are just around the corner, in 29 days to be exact but it's just not pushing me. Darn, oh well. But I'm glad I can get my exams over and done with in 2 days. I'm so going to get shit results but who cares. After I'm done blogging I'm going to start mugging. Yes I am.

Ok now I have a new name. Indonesian Maid. All thanks to Wanky. All thanks to Jasmine. Because I told her somebody said I have Indonesian features and she came up with this stupid Indonesian Maid thing. So what if I actually look more like a Malay than a Chinese? But oh well, haha. Ok I got to go now. Mummy wants to use the phone and I just received a message. Tata.

Oh by the way, nice skin right? Haha. I love this.

Listening to: Lydia

Hmm, in the school library. Supposed to be studying but I got distracted. Haha, as usual. I can't think of anything to say though. I think I'll just type crap. Yeah so slept quite late last night. Like at almost 12midnight. I was on the phone talking to my friend, yup. And I really didn't feel like waking up to go to school this morning. I woke up at 6.30 even though my Math lecture starts only at 8.30. So I reached school an hour early. Hmm, scribbled some stupid stuff and went to sleep at the study area. Haha. Yeah, went for lunch at Changi Village. Nasi Lemak taste so good. Spending time with my classmates, sigh. They're such wonderful people. I enjoy my time with them all the time. Too bad Wanky couldn't join us because she had Chinese lesson. But never mind. I don't know when I'll be going home, haven't really decided yet. I think I'm going to the canteen already. Staying in the library makes me just want to use the computer. Yup so see you pple some day. Take care.

Listening to: Jie Kou

This song makes me think so much, it makes me want to cry. Well, I almost did last night. A lot of things happened, and I don't want to think too much about it also. Someone dedicated this song to me, and he started crying while listening to the song. His eyes were red and he.. Well, I don't how to explain also. Let's just say I was quite touched, but at the same time thinks that he's too stupid to actually do something like that.

Last night. Hmm, the class bbq went all right last night. Even though not all of us were there, even though the class spirit of Shss 4B 2003 is not as strong as before, you still will be able to feel the warmth and joy that they bring. It was just like last year when we all had fun all over again. People were playing volleyball and stuff. The guys were talking about porn and wanking and having cramps. Haha. Food. Some cooked some uncooked. As usual. I was suddenly known as 'Maria' to Juay. Had to get ice for him. Well, I didn't really mind though. I may not have a chance anytime soon to do things for them you know? I don't know when I'll be able to see them again. It's kind of sad.

Oh yes, on a lighter note, I have to mention Wanky. Haha. Yes, I'm grateful to her that she didn't pang seh me on Saturday to go home and leave me alone to wait for Grace. She's so nice and that's why I love her. She, will always be my dear sister. *smiles* I'm here, always.

Ok people! Hi, haha. I'm so lame. Ok, I got home about 45minutes ago and I'm tired!! Haha. Whatever. Hmm, today started out badly. I couldn't hear my alarm in the morning so I woke up only at 6.45. I planned to wake up at 6 actually. Darn but never mind. Next, when I reached school, I totally screwed up my Maths Lecture Test. Sighs, I totally give up on my Maths 9233 already. I'm so sick of it now. And I'm supposed to like Math. Ah whatever. After that, had Math lecture. I don't understand why during lectures I can do, but when it comes to lecture tests and exams I can't get some shit out. This is so saddening. Well, after Math lecture we went to LT4, to have some talk with Ms Esther Lai. Hmm, it was ok. She just talked about the time-table, that we will have a change in time-table from term4 onwards and we will all finish school by 5! Woohoo! Even though it's like only 35minutes earlier from the present one but at least we get to go home half an hour early.

Oh, yesterday had this Student Dialogue thing, for us to say our comments to the SC's then they will feedback to Ms Lai. It was so funny, the girls started talking about girls' toilets and about sanitary bins right in the middle of the doorway, and asking some people to just fix the god damned lock. Haha. Tee Keong and Boon Rui got a little agitated about the time-table thing, but well, it doesn't matter to me. Haha. Yeah, then Welson mentioned something about some sudent lounge thing for the students. Hmm, sounds rather nice. OH! And some people mentioned something about not putting the vending machines together in a same place but actually to spread them out all over the school. And I was like 'We actually have vending machines IN OUR SCHOOL?' Then Dida looked at me and said 'you mean you didn't know?' Haha. Ok so I'm like, blur. Yeah I got to go sleep already. Have to have my beeeaaauuutttyyyy sleep then later can party like hell. Whee! I miss the beach.

I miss St. Hilda's.

Whee! Ok, this morning was more of a rush for me. The alarm went off at 6.25am, but I turned it off and fell back to bed. I was really dead tired. By the time I woke up it was almost 6.45. Damn. I still haven't packed my bag or took out my PE attire. The worse thing: I haven't studied for my history test that's coming up later inthe afternoon. And to make it even worse, I coulnd't find my notes. I was like in shit. Until now I still haven't found my notes yet. I can only depend on another topic to help me in this. Damn. I'm so irritated.

Chem SPA turned out pretty ok, except for the evaluation part. I only had 3 sources of errors. Crap shit. Running out of time so I just couldn't be bothered to write anymore. And my graph looked pretty weird but the others' graphs were also about the same as mine. Small and teeny. So I guess mine's fine.

I was rather upset yesterday. Sighs, especially at night after we all left from church for home. Well, I got to know some stuffs and I was like, 'Fark shit. What the hell. You can go home now, really.' Ah whatever. Bloody hell. Really, if you think I would still want to stay as I was like before, you just dream on. I can't face this crap now. History lecture is coming up. Sighs. What a way to end my term3.

Looking forward to tomorrow night's class BBQ. Shss 4B 2003 class gathering. It has been so long. It's time to catch up some more after last Tuesday's meet up in SHSS for Teacher's Day. It's another time to sit around with Sha to start bitching about people. It's another time for me to feel that there are still some very close friends of mine from Shss who care. Yeah. I miss St. Hilda's. If only I didn't have to grow up. Sighs.

Ok I got to go off now. History lecture coming up. What a way to end my Term3 Semester.

Hello, was supposed to be studying but I got too bored so I decided to come online. Studying at home is such a bad thing, you get so many distractions. Sighs, but what to do, I have to look after Grace. She's not feeling well and Mum has gone over to the new house I-don't-know-what-for. She always goes up don't know how many times a week. But oh well, she's damn free anyway. Haha.

I'm not feeling exactly happy today. Quite upset actually. Over some stupid stuff. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, but I'm just feeling a little bit down and out. I just don't understand why this kind of stuff always happen to me.

As the saying goes : If guys can be trusted, pigs can climb up trees.

Shaz[the one in green], Wanky, Dida and me[the blackies]. Haha. I don't know what happened to Dida's eyes by the way. But it's kind of cute. Haha.  

Me wand Wanky in the school canteen on Monday. Dressed in funky clothes because of Love Meridian Day.  

I just finished reading Shopaholic and Sister, and I kind of teared a bit. Ok, I was practically crying. I have no idea why either, and was quite shocked at myself actually. I find it hard to type out my feelings these days, and I never had this kind of problem before. But oh well, I'm waiting for the next Shopaholic book to come out, and I kind of know what the story will be about already. Haha. Ok, I think I better go sleep now. Tomorrow wake up to study. Damn.